I am still alive and well! We were on vacation last week, and I decided that I would spend as much time with my family as possible, which also meant that my time on the computer was very limited. We spent the week on Conesus Lake with my siblings and parents, and had a fantastic time!
We celebrated my parents 70th birthdays with a fabulous menu of favorite Italian foods, and by the grace of God, I stayed on my food plan 100%. I rarely experience cravings anymore, to which I am extremely grateful.
However, as the week progressed, there were a few intense moments which family can only bring on..emotions can surface so easily with the people we love the most. I found myself feeling those emotions more than ever before, and then it dawned on me that in the past I have always numbed myself with food when I started to 'feel' anything. It was not uncommon for me to grab a cookie or bread, anything to stuff my emotions and not have to deal with them. I found myself extremely upset on a few different occasions, and realized that I now need to figure out the best way to communicate and deal with these emotions since I have removed my 'medication' from my life. I am happy to say that I did talk these emotions out with my family, admitted where I was wrong and we moved on, and continued to have a fantastic time together! I am so very thankful for a family who is open to communicate, who love each other so deeply, enough to admit when we are wrong and continue to love one another despite our weaknesses and flaws. We are blessed indeed!
Monday was another day full of emotions. We came home a little sunburned and exhausted and I literally felt like having a temper tantrum!! I was just feeling anxious about a lot of things, and I wanted so badly to just start eating everything!! I have to honestly say that it was the first time I felt like that since the beginning of this journey. It took everything I had to stay out of that kitchen. I was seriously ready to make a dish of pasta and then top it off with some brownies!! But GOD, in His GREAT MERCY had compassion on me and made a way of escape! This new mind He has given me began to think much more clearly than I have in a very long time. I told myself that it was okay to feel these emotions, but it was not okay to stuff my face and slip back into my old habits so easily. Once again I found myself sitting on the couch filled with frustration. The longer I sat there, the more peace I felt as I poured my heart out to my heavenly Father. After about an hour I felt completely at peace with myself and with God. My heart was so grateful of His promise to never leave us. The 'escape' that He made for me was to go back into the kitchen and have a piece of Ezekiel bread , toasted and slathered with natural peanut butter and enjoy the good food I have available to me. What an intense feeling to make a conscious healthy choice after dealing with the emotions I was feeling, instead of diving into the refrigerator or pantry, full force, full of emotion and mindlessly stuffing my face. Can I say it again?? God is so GOOD!
So, last Wednesday I weighed myself and lost a whopping FIVE pounds! Since there was no loss the week before, I was ecstatic to see these results!!
Today, I stepped on the scale and I lost another TWO pounds! I continue to work out at the YMCA, take bike rides with my family, and am eating only fresh, clean foods. I start every morning with a bowl of oatmeal topped with fresh fruit. Lunch is usually a fresh fruit salad, or green salad. I try to keep my lunch all raw, although sometimes I do have some cooked vegetables and/or chicken. Dinner is lean meat or fish (I rarely eat red meat) and fresh (cooked or raw) vegetables. If I do feel like I need a snack in the afternoon or evening, I always choose a fresh piece of fruit or raw veggies. Occasionally I will have a piece or two of Ezekiel bread (which is a sprouted grain bread) with natural peanut butter and all fruit spread or honey. I try not to eat too much grain since I just feel that much better without it. I have commited to God that I will not consume any sugar or processed foods until I reach my goal weight.
I am thankful that even in the midst of my crazy emotions, that God continues to be faithful. His promises are true, His peace is there for us to take hold of and His mercies are never ending! I continue to take this journey one day at a time and I am humbled that He continues to carry me despite my weaknesses.
I will be posting new pictures this afternoon!
3 years ago