Today has been a day full of several different emotions..I started my day worshipping my God at church..praising him in song and opening his Word with my brothers and sisters in Christ..no other place I'd rather be, honestly. In the past week or so, I have felt an indescribable closeness to my heavenly father. Food is no longer coming between me and my God and I can feel his presence and love all around me at every moment of every day. He is not loving me any more than he has in the past..that is purely impossible, as his love is perfect and complete and never changes. I am craving more of him each day and loving him more than ever before..and to find myself in this obedience and submission to his will for my life is almost overwhelming.
I spent an hour at the grocery store where at every turn there was a different aroma of some delicious food item that an employee was offering samples of...I just walked right on by..trying to re-focus my thoughts on something else, and I kid you not, God in his great and mighty sense of humor would allow an obese woman to cross my path at almost every weak moment I had at the store..it was almost comical. He definitely knows how to get my attention!! :)
I also spent part of my day praying for, and offering comfort to my good friend who lost her dad unexpectedly last week. His calling hours were today, and the emotions I felt when I walked in the room were intense. I, of course, think of the possibility that God would choose to take my father without notice and how would I handle such a tragedy? I can't even allow myself to go to that place. I love my Daddy more than anything..I just cannot even fathom him not being on this earth any longer. I thought about the right words to say to my friend and her family..and as I looked into her eyes, I seen her pain and felt such sadness within me..I so longed to take the pain from her.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
When I arrived back home this evening, I was welcomed by my beautiful little children who met me at the door and my sweet little 4 year old, Tori, held on to my legs like I had been gone for weeks..it literally brought me to a place of how we run to our heavenly father and hold on to him when we've missed him so much..kind of where I am at right now..just holding on..
My precious little girl then grabbed me by the hand and asked me to come in to the kitchen with her because she was hungry..so I sat down with her at the kitchen table while she ate, and at least 5 times had to turn down her precious offerings of her dinner. She kept insisting that she wanted to share with me.. I tried to explain that I couldn't eat what she was eating, but she kept insisting, and at every refusal she looked more disappointed. We made it through, and I don't know whose heart was more broken, hers or mine!! Of course, within minutes, she was off and running and forgot about the entire incident..and I was still dreaming about the darn pizza!! ;)
I decided to pick up the phone and call my parents..they are the best distractions ever..they never stop encouraging me and loving me no matter what road I have been on in my lifetime. To say I am blessed with the best parents in the world is definitely an understatement!! We spent the next three hours in fellowship..the perfect ending to this day..
And so, with this I will say goodnight..I have been blessed beyond measure, I am grateful for every blessing my heavenly father has bestowed upon me..for his unending grace and faithfulness..for meeting this wretched girl where's she's at and for showing himself strong on my behalf..Father God, thank you for loving me.
3 years ago